SHE GEEKS: The 100 – 02×12

Because of the craziness of February here in Chez Wyllys, I got behind on The 100 recaps. I thought about just skipping to this week’s episode but I’d taken the notes for last week’s and it felt like a waste not doing them. Especially since my plan was to switch things up this week and recap it via the medium of mine and Betty’s running commentary. This could be a hit-or-miss, because I feel like I’m finally finding my footing with this whole recap thing and now I’m like, “That’s great, but let’s do it different this time.” If you make it through this, bless your souls, thank you. I’ll probably never do it again since it was really really hard, guise. Also Betty and I are probably the worst people to watch a show with because we go back and forth between shushing each other and not shutting up.

Episode thirteen’s recap will probably be up in the next day or two.

Previous recaps:
Season one and first half of season two.
Season two episode nine.
Season two episode ten.
Season two episode eleven.

Stills belong to CW, in my heart Bellamy belongs to me, dialogue from the show in italics, and spoilers are heavy under the cut.


Episode Twelve: Rubicon.
Or: That time Betty and I Called Everything and were usually wrong.

Betty: “I get why Clarke drained Carl Emerson’s–”
Me: “I call him Mountain Sniper in my recaps.”
Betty: “Fine. Whatever. I get why Clarke drained Mountain Sniper’s oxygen tank before sending him back to Mount Weather, but I think she got a little too overzealous with it. Look how he’s having to book it to make it there, which just uses up more oxygen. What good is a message if your messenger isn’t able to repeat it?”
Me: “She should have pinned a note to his hazmat suit. ‘Dear, Mr. or Ms. Mount Weather Security Detail. We’re coming to fuck your shit up.'”
Betty: “‘Don’t forget you’re in charge of snacks this week.'”

Me: “I hope the CGI Super Gorilla makes an appearance this week. And if it’s going to, now would be a splendid time. It could drop down from a tree on Mountain Sniper like, ‘Yooooooooo! I’m here to fuck up the plot!'”

Betty: “No. Look. He made it to the field.”
Me: “Oh! This is the field of Dad, We Should Harvest Bone Marrow From Those Kids Amirite, isn’t it?”
Betty: “Yeah. AKA: Go To Your Room, Son, You’re An Awful Person.”
Me: “He’s passing out, though. Looks like he’s not gonna make it aftera- oh. Wait. Here’s a pair of awesome boots appearing in front of him!”
Betty: “Bet it’s Junior.”
Me: “Coming to kill him. Or — replace his oxygen tank? Replace his oxygen tank apparently.”
Betty: “Mountain Sniper reminds me of you right now, the way he’s stroking Junior’s boots.”
Me: “They are great boots. I get it.”

Betty: “Oh, shit! Junior isn’t wearing a hazmat suit!”
Me: “But we knew they’d started taking bone marrow so this isn’t really a surprise to me…?”
Betty: “KRISTY. That was a badass way to start the episode. Don’t ruin it with your logic and thinking and shit. God. This is why I hate watching things with you.”

Betty: “Here’s Evil Doctor coming to take more Sky Kids for Marrow Harvesting. They’re gonna be so sad.”
Me: “Ten bucks says she takes an extra without a name.”
Betty: “And kills them.”
Me: “But no one cares, not even the Sky Kids, because we’ve never seen that kid before.”

Note: we were right.

Betty: “I’m gonna start making exits like the Evil Doctor. ‘I hope you know you’re incredibly special to us.‘ BAM. LOCK DOWN. BLACK HAMMER OUT.”
Me: “Stop trying to make Black Hammer happen.”
Betty: “BLACK HAMMER IS A GREAT NAME, KRISTY. SOME PEOPLE CALL ME BLACK HAMMER.”
Me: “Nobody in the world calls you Black Hammer.”
Betty: “…….You’re not wrong.”

Me: “Oh. Hey! Is that Grounder Opie guarding Clarke?”
Betty: “Nope.”
Me: “One of these days I’m gonna be right, you know. One of these days, it’s gonna be him.”
Betty: “We’re all rooting for you, babe.”

Betty: “Whoa. Clarke is getting pretty snippy here with Raven.”
Me: “It’s anxiety snipping.”
Betty: “Oh. Is that what you do when you’re having one of your episodes?”
Me: “No. I snip at you because it makes me happy. Raven’s eyebrows also make me happy. Look how perfect they are. Look how perfect she is, comforting Snippy Clarke right now.”
Betty: “Clarke’s eyebrows aren’t bad either. Not comforting eyebrows, but not awful.”

image

Not awful.

Me: “Oh! Bellamy is on the radio. Maybe they’ll finally confess their love for each other.”
Betty: “No. He’s checking in to remind Clarke there’s bigger plot things happening other than the acid fog she’s tripping out about.”
Me: “I LOVE YOU, BELLAMY.”
Betty: “That’s fine. I’m not sitting right here or anything.”
Me: “I STAND BY IT, BELLAMY.”

Me: “Why is Kane trying to pretend like he’s not piss-himself-giddy to get to go do his Chill Diplomat thing in Tondc with the clan leaders? Stop it, Kane. We know your soul.”

Me: “Kane is trying so hard to behind-the-scenes mediate. ‘Maybe Abby can go to Tondc. Maybe you’d let her do that, Clarke.’ And Clarke is just like, ‘Nahhhh.’ Now Abby is gonna throw shade at everyone.”
Betty: “So much shade.”

Me: “THEY LITERALLY ONLY JUST FIGURED OUT JAHA IS MISSING.”
Betty: “Through a note. He had to tell them in a note that he’s gone. These people are not on top of things.”
Me: “He’s only been gone for two days? So each episode is a day? Damn. Those are, like, the longest days ever. No wonder everyone is getting cranky as balls.”
Betty: “I’m not sure balls are capable of being cranky…?”
Me: “Blue balls.”
Betty: “I stand corrected.”

Betty: “Wait. How did Jaha and Company get to a desert in two days time?”
Me: “Because Jaha is a mystical black man now.”
Betty: “Makes sense.”

Me: “Remember how Murphy was all reluctant to go on this spiritual journey, literally two days ago, and now he’s  snarking at everyone on Jaha’s behalf. He’s a quick sell.”
Betty: “He’s probably not even sold on it. He’s just as pissy to be there but he thrives on bitching at everyone.”
Me: “Sounds like someone else I know. *pointed look*”
Betty: “Rude.”

Me: “Awwww, shit! A GROUNDER WHO WAS LITERALLY IN THE GROUND.”
Betty: “She was in a cart. See that cart behind her? She was in that cart.”
Me: “Awwww, shit! A Grounder who was in a cart!”
Betty: “Better.”

Betty: “Wastelanders. This sounds promising. Think we’re gonna see Wastelanders?”
Me: “I don’t know who they are or what they do but this chick makes them sound like they’d be fun to meet.”
Betty: “They cut off her brother’s head. That’s the opposite of fun.”
Me: “…..I stand by what I said.”

Betty: “‘Touch me again and I’ll end you. In a non-criminal way.’ I’m surprised you don’t like Murphy more considering you’re basically the same person.”
Me: “He’s starting to grow on me. Mostly with that line.”

Me: “Emori and Murphy. Calling it now.”
Betty: “Something fucked up in her cart. Calling that.”

Me: “How does Bellamy look so delicious crawling through Mount Weather’s labyrinth-like ventilation system?”
Betty: “STILL SITTING RIGHT HERE.”
Betty: “I don’t know, though.”

Me: “OH GOD. HE FOUND THE OPERATING ROOM BECAUSE THEY’RE DOING MORE SPINE DRILLING. THAT’S AWFUL.”
Betty: “Actually it looks like this time they’re drilling into the hip.”
Me: “STILL AWFUL.”
Betty: “Didn’t you have bone marrow taken from your hip?”
Me: “Ish. And it was awful.”

Betty: “Oh. Emerson is getting this round of bone marrow.”
Me: “Mountain Sniper.”
Betty: “Sorry. Mountain Sniper.”
Betty: “Say what you will about him but he’s a good soldier. He barely made it back alive and is ready to go out with a team to fuck shit up.”
Me: “Yeah, except President Junior is all, ‘hahaha who said anything about a team we’re gonna use a missile because we’ve learned literally nothing from our history’.”
Betty: “Raven’s mobile radio plan was perfect, though, because now Camp Jaha knows this.”
Me: “Everything Raven does is perfect. Her face is perfect. She is the most perfect and I love her more than anyone or anything.”
Betty: “I’m. Right. Here.”

Me: “Clarke is going to the clan meeting now and I think this is the part in the previews last week where Lexa is perfectly willing to let everyone die.”
Betty: “Ohhhhhh! Clarke LIED to Bellamy about where Octavia is!”
Me: “So he’s not ~distracted~. Damn. Clarke is stone cold.”
Betty: “Calling it. She doesn’t save anyone.”

Betty: “‘Don’t get blown up.’ Hell of some parting words from Raven.”
Me: “I’m gonna be saying that to you every time you leave from now on.”

Me: “I genuinely love Indra now. She’s so angry and fierce.”
Betty: “You know she’s probably gonna die right?”
Me: “NO SHE WO–….Oh, God.”

Me: “Octavia is bloody gorgeous even with her face cut the fuck up.”
Betty: “SERIOUSLY. I’M SITTING RIGHT HERE.”

Me: “When I said I wanted to see this City of Light story line, I didn’t mean in the middle of other things.”
Betty: “You should know better at this point.”

Me: “I like that Emori and Murphy are bonding over their criminal history. This is a match made in heaven.”
Betty: “Is there anything you don’t ship?”

image

No, Betty. I ship pretty much anything.

Betty: “Oh. She’s not a criminal. Her hand is radiation-fucked.”
Me: “Yeah, but Murphy’s down with it. It makes them both ~outcasts~. This is gonna be my new OTP.”
Betty: “No, seriously, is there anything you won’t ship? I hate that I know what shipping is.”

Betty: “Soldiers are storming into the Sky Kids’ dorm already?! They already drained that one kid?!”
Me: “Well, they’re probably not bothering to keep them alive anymore.”
Betty: “Ah. True. Oh! That soldier who has Jasper is Bellamy.”
Me: “I LOV–”
Betty: “He knows. And he gave Jasper a gun. Has Jasper ever shot a gun? This is gonna end bad.”
Me: “Calling it?”
Betty: “Mark it down. I’m calling it.”

Me: “How long are we gonna be in Mount Weather though? Am I gonna get my reunion, like, ever?”
Betty: “This is our season arc, Kristy. We’re gonna be in Mount Weather until season three.”
Me: “Motherfuck.”

Me: “Look how my baby Bellamy is all over that mountain sneaking around.”
Betty: “He won’t be for long.”
Me: “Don’t say that!”
Betty: “Calling it. They’re gonna catch him.”
Me: “Well now that Not-President knows. AND IS GONNA HELP BUY THEM SOME TIME. Damn I was horribly wrong about the Not-President.”

Betty: “This Whitman guy called in to let Junior know everyone is there at the Clan meeting. Damn. This is actually gonna happen, isn’t it? They’re gonna actually shoot this missile.”

Me: “Oh, here’s Lexa! Sup, Lexa. The fact that you’re without your fierce battle makeup makes me sad.”
Betty: “You know, you kinda look like a Grounder when you get out of the shower and your mascara is halfway down your face.”

Betty: “There’s a missile on the way and Lexa doesn’t give a single fuck.”
Me: “She’s martyring all those people. Damn. She’s stone freaking cold.”
Me: “I love her.”

Me: “If Clarke doesn’t get Octavia and Indra out of there, she is SO DEAD TO ME.”
Betty: “She’s leaving. Without telling anyone.”
Me: “SO DEAD TO ME.”

Me: “OH. EMORI WAS LYING. SHE WASN’T ATTACKED BY WASTELANDERS. SHE AND HER BROTHER WERE RUNNING A CON.”
Betty: “But more importantly, look at that rocket launcher her brother has.”

Me: “Jaha is trying so hard to Spiritual Man her and she is so not buying what he’s selling.”
Betty: “Also a rocket launcher.”
Me: “Also that.”

Betty: “What if she let Murphy in on this plot and he becomes a con man with her and her brother?”
Me: “That might make me really hap- oh. Nevermind. She whispered something to him then punched him in the face.”
Betty: “I’m gonna hate myself for saying this.”
Betty: “I ship it.”

Betty: “How is Raven just gonna accidentally let it slip to Bellamy that Octavia is in Tondc?”
Me: “I’d be more irritated with her loose lips if she wasn’t so perfect.”
Betty: “You have some real issues, you know that?”

Me: “BUT WAIT. OCTAVIA MIGHT BE OKAY BECAUSE SHES FIXING TO CHASE SOMEONE INTO THE FOREST.”
Betty: “Indra won’t be.”
Me: “Innnnndraaaaaaaa.”

Me: “I don’t really care about what happens to Kane.”
Betty: “Me either. BYE, FELICIA.”
Me: “……No.”
Me: “Don’t do that. Ever again.”

Me: “IT’S REAPER LINCOLN.”
Betty: “Is he EATING that Grounder who went with Octavia to scout the forest?!?”
Me: “I think he’s tying him up?”
Betty: “Is he talking to Octavia? How does this Reaper shit work?”
Me: “The science is sketchy. But Octavia is giving him the Grounder equivalent of the Serenity Prayer. So, that’s nice.”

Me: “Emori whispered ‘Due north‘ to Murphy. Those have to be the worst directions ever but we know they’re going to go anyway.”
Me: “Called it.”
Betty: “Only half of them are going. I’d be in that half that turned around and went back to Camp.”

Me: “Haaaa. Jaha’s all, ‘I believe this is what they call having faith, John.‘ And Murphy is like, ‘Naw. Just bored. Jasper is the new camp Wild Card anyway.'”
Betty: “He really only wants to go to look for Emori.”
Me: “I’m just sad she didn’t leave behind her glove so it could be the post-apocalyptic version of Cinderella.”
Me: “…..I should write that.”

Me: “Okay. How is it hours later and Clarke and Lexa are literally only outside the gates?”
Betty: “I don’t know. How did Abby catch up with them so fast?”
Me: “So, Abby is gonna be spared, obviously. SOMEONE GO BACK IN AND GRAB INDRA.”
Betty: “No. Wait. Kane and Indra are searching the woods for Clarke and Lexa. She might be okay.”
Me: “FATE, DISTRUST, AND SUSPICION WILL SPARE MY GIRL.”

Me: “And the missile has been motherfucking launched.”
Betty: “Annnnnnnnnnd impact.”
Me: “I feel like the fire from it should be bigger.”
Betty: “You want the fire bigger because you’re obsessed with things being burned. You’re, like, a mental arsonist.”
Me: “Is that a thing?”
Betty: “Probably not.”

Me: “Abby is now realizing just how stone fucking cold her daughter is.”
Betty: “She wants to believe it was Lexa’s doing so bad.”
Me: “Clarke basically just said ‘lolnope.’ Let’s be honest, though. Abby is feeling a least a little vindicated here. Like, ‘OH, MAN, YOU SUCK AS A LEADER, I WAS RIGHT!'”

Betty: “Sky Kids are arming themselves with pipes from the beds to fight the next wave of soldiers. This is gonna be fun.”
Me: “Jasper has gone crazy-eyed. That’s how you know he’s ready to be a leader. All the best leaders are crazy-eyed.”

image

My eyes are crazy. I’m ready to lead my people.

Me: “Oh, hell no. Crazy Doctor is trying to take Monty. NOT MY MONTY, YOU BITCH.”
Betty: “Calm down, Molly Weasley.”
Me: “Waaaait. It’s okay. Jasper has the gun that Bellamy gave him. He can take some motherfuckers out Molly Weasley style because NOT OUR MONTY, YOU BITCH.”
Betty: “He shot the guard in the bulletproof vest. Crazy-eyes or not, this kid wasn’t ready for the greatness that was thrust upon him.”

Me: “This has to be the worst stand I have ever seen in my life.”
Betty: “And now they’re taking Jasper instead of Monty.”
Me: “They call the Sky Kids ‘assets.’ Why is that making me laugh?”

Me: “A RADIATION LEAK. AND BELLAMY IS CAUSING IT.”
Betty: “This was the President’s idea?!”
Me: “It’s a good idea. A good, kill-y idea.”

Betty: “Jasper and Company caught up to the Evil Doctor. They better not let her live.”
Me: “They’re not. JASPER JUST QUOTED THE INCREDIBLY SPECIAL LINE BACK AT HER. OH MY GOD, I LOVE YOU, JASPER.”
Betty: “I DO TOO, JASPER.”

Me: “Shit. President Junior knew Daddy helped.”
Betty: “Junior is gonna kill Daddy.”
Me: “Waaaaait. President Junior’s name is Cage?”
Betty: “Yeah. Did you not know this? How did you not know this?”
Me: “I don’t know. God. No wonder he’s pissed. His name is Cage.”
Betty: “Still better than Atom.”
Me: “Definitely better than Atom.”

Betty: “He’s so proud to tell Daddy he bombed Tondc and Daddy is so disgusted about it.”
Me: “He’d ground Junior if he wasn’t grounded himself.”
Betty: “Junior is gonna kill him. Right now.”
Me: “‘I DID IT FOR YOU, DADDY.'”
Me: “Nooooo. Wait. They injected him? With the bone marrow? This is an unexpected turn. Again.”

Me: “OCTAVIA IS OKAY AND WITH LINCOLN.”
Betty: “Everything else is NOT OKAY. Damn. Look at that impact site.”
Me: “Someone find Indra!”

Me: “That’s where we end it. On a long shot of the wreckage.”
Betty: “I’m really not surprised. Have you watched this show? This is par for the course. I’d be more shocked if we didn’t end with a long shot of the wreckage.”
Me: “Have we ever had an okay ending on this show?”
Betty: “Not once.”

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s