But how do you do the thing?

​I was not made to be a blogger.

Which is hilarious, of course, when you stop to consider I’ve had a blog since…2007? 2008? And before that, I had a LiveJournal account because all the cool kids had a LiveJournal account and let me tell you, I wrote some really deep shit back then. And by deep, I mean, once I bitched for 20 minutes about the time my mom ate the last can of chicken noodle soup and said I hoped she burned in a noodley-hell for it and then I threw some Matchbox 20 lyrics in the next post and God. I was so cool.

Okay. Maybe not.

​​But I’m definitely not made to be a blogger now. What do bloggers even blog about every day? Why are your lives so much more interesting than mine? And mine is pretty fucking interesting. You know what happened the other day? My kid pissed on the floor. Straight up. He pissed all over the toy room floor and then he and I stood there staring at each other for five minutes because dude. YOU JUST PISSED ON THE FLOOR WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS THING. And he, in all his three-year-old, angel-faced glory said, “Because I don’t like you right now.” And you know what? I respected that. That is not something you’re going to be able to carry into adulthood, brother, but right now? You can get away with this. That burns my ass a little, and hell yeah, you’re gonna clean that up, but sometimes I get so angry I think, “I’m so pissed right now I could just…piss.” AND YOU DID THAT! You saw an opportunity and you took it.

Oh my God. My life isn’t interesting. My life is sad and pathetic. Also there’s piss on my floor.


Okay. Shit. On second thought, bloggers. Lives. Interesting ones. Where do you get these things? Also, IS THERE PEE INVOLVED? This might not be a deal breaker but it’d be nice to go in knowing one way or the other.

I completely forgot where I was going with this. What am I even doing here? What’s my name? Who are you? What is air?


hey! i have a newsletter now! it’ll probably next to never get sent out and there’s a 79% chance I’ll talk about Doctor Who/food in it when I do send it. You can sign up aqui!: http://eepurl.com/2_U31


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