Dear Random Noisy People,

You know who you are. You’re the ones that frequently ask when we will be trying for a 3rd child and/or girl. You ask this so often, in fact, I thought I’d make it easier on all of us and answer you all in one convenient place.

Short Answer: we’re not!
Long Answer: Betty and I have absolutely no intentions of ever having anymore children, girl or otherwise. Ever. The end.

The only way this will change is in the unlikely scenario that my IUD falls out of my body completely and I somehow fail to notice it.

It’s not that we don’t like children. We do. Or, we like our children anyway. Maybe we like yours. Maybe not. But we do like ours. So much, in fact, that we don’t want to tempt fate and end up with a child we don’t like. Sure, that probably won’t happen, but it could. And who wants that? Who wants to raise a child that they can’t stand to look at? Not this girl.

I’m joking. Kinda. But seriously. 2 is a nice number. An even number. There’s a nice parent to kid ratio with 2. There’s no middle child syndrome with 2 kids. It’s a good, manageable number that we’re both comfortable with. Besides, we like boys, Betty & I. They’re easy and we’re good at raising them. If we have a 3rd, we’re taking the chance of ending up with a girl that we’d have no idea what to do with. We’d stare at her, perplexed, for hours. Diaper changes would involve hysterical phone calls to various family members. We’d sign her up for peewee football and try to wrestle with her. Not to mention, what if she ended up like me? With Betty’s feet? Sure, a girl sounds fun in theory, but not when you’re out trying to find size 16 shoes for her.

And while we’re on the subject, isn’t a little forthcoming for you to blurt out these questions? What if I was unable to have anymore kids? Now you’ve put me on the spot and I have to decide if I want to be honest and make both of us feel awkward or if I want to make some kind of lighthearted joke. That’s no fun.

As it is, that’s not the case. But for some people it is. Maybe you should think about that the next time you decide to inquire about someone’s reproductive plans. I know it’s coming from a well meaning place and hey! Maybe you’re generally curious about my sex life and/or the vacancy of my uterus. And that’s great! In a weird way, I’m kinda flattered. But the truth is, I get tired of hearing it.

Especially the girl questions.

It almost implies, to me, a mother of 2 boys, that you think my family is incomplete without the addition of another vagina. That might not be the case all, but it kinda feels that way. And if you do feel that way, well, that’s odd, but okay. I’m content with my two boys.
And okay. Alright. If you HAVE to ask, if you’re just DYING to know, give up after I say we’re done. I assure you, despite how much I may like you, I have no intentions of changing my mind because you adamantly think we should have “just one more.”

So, that’s that, folks. No more babies for this bunch. But, hey! You’re more than welcome to have a couple yourself in our honor.

Just don’t expect child support.

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